Confessions: I Am Not Proud To Be Trans

 

Often it seems there is a pressure to be a certain way because the doctors announced your gender wrong. Multifaceted as I am, I feel more Male, more Jamaican, more Black than being Trans – heck I even feel more skinny.

 

This is the part of me the world likes to shine its light on- my Transgender history, Not the story of how I overcame many adversity in my life, how despite having suicidal thoughts I am still here living even smiling on most days, still wanting to help the world find their happy while I seek a safe spot to lay my burden at someone’s feet, if even to sleep for a little while.

The poem was inspired by those whom may feel a little less Transgender and a little bit more something else. Originally commissioned by the MAC ARTS Centre in Birmingham for Trans Remembrance Day.

 

Original Lyrics

I have a confession to make
I am not proud to be Trans
I am not proud to be beaten
I am not proud that I had to die
But….
I am proud to be more than Trans
I am proud that even though I was beaten I was not broken
I am proud that even though I die that day
they took my dignity away for dressing a way that came across as poof, a foggot or a queer. I lived thay day..
we stood side by side at the wall – not just me.
I had family- my adopted family..
They shouted at us..
They tried to disarm us of our pride… but we flew that flag so high..
As we shout
I AM proud
I AM PROUD…
We are proud
Bricks and stones may break my bones but words can only hurt me so much.
I am not proud to be Trans
I am not proud to be beaten
I am not proud to have died
But I am proud to be more than Trans
I am proud to be beaten and never broken
I am proud to have died but live through the many who continue to pave a way for a privilage we never knew
And I am proud that you remember on this day